Hope & Healing

I recently was with my grandmother in the hospital in Kentucky. I do not like hospitals, they hold a lot of hard memories. They are a place that makes you feel stuck and have so many unknowns. 

In 2014, I lost my ability to dream and had little hope. I was 20 years old and going through chemotherapy.  My body was being ravaged by a drug that was also helping me fight cancer. Being sick was awful, but being angry at God was even harder. How could a God who was good, big, strong, and powerful let me be here? How could He let this be my reality?

I sat with these feelings and thoughts for longer than I like to admit. I eventually found myself in a church. And as I sat there looking around during worship, I realized how much I missed being in God’s presence. How much I missed my Savior. With tears streaming down my face, I opened my hands and whispered, God I can’t carry this anymore. Instantly I was flooded with so much joy and peace, God’s peace.  That was the beginning of my emotional and spiritual healing, and all it took was my surrender and asking God for help. 

Later that summer a camp speaker who did not know my story prayed for me. He prayed, “this storm will be the wind in your sails to other people’s emotional and spiritual healing.” 

In 2022 I had another cancer scare; they call them that because they are terrifying. I did not tell a lot of people. I was on my way to a friend’s house and crying so full of worry and fear. Telling God, “I cannot go through that season again.” Begging and pleading. The Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, “you did not lose My joy last time because you had cancer, you lost My joy because you pulled away from Me…. “

It ended up not being cancer, but God used that season to encourage me to start sharing more of my story. Hospitals are hard, cancer is messy. But, during all of it, God is good.

How can I say this after just telling a story of how hard it all was? Well, I can say it because I have experienced His healing, not just physically but spiritually and emotionally. I have sat and cried in the presence of a God who I know can handle my pain. But more than handling it. He heals it. 

And that is one of the dreams I have for missions.  To show the world this God that offers so much love, hope and joy. That even during all our pain He is there bringing healing.